my vag is so smooth its legendary
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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