Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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