How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
