thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
