is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
