seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
