if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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