Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
