the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I wear drunk well.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
