just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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