we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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