she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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