so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
