I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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