I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
