Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
