She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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