i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Randomize
