I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
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