you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
