he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
