if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
