So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
