I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
