when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
