By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
