Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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