bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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