with your own penis?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
