It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
