i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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