I love black thongs
I'm jealous of your bromance
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Randomize
