and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
