C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
now i know why i became what i already was.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize