Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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