my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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