Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
