My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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