Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
