So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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