so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
