You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
