Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
