well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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