So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
