I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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