he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
