So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
