Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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