I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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