Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
