Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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